I’m not notable for having a lot of patience. My reality is relative, with days seeming like years or minutes, depending. All I know is this: I am finally doing what I’ve been wanting to do for most of my life. Music.

Not to say I wasn’t doing it all along, only that for some odd reason, it’s all been coming together since I set a goal of finally recording an album this past year, from Kickstarter to meeting the right people (after first meeting a lot of the wrong people) to play with.

I don’t know what made this year different than all of the other years I set the same goal, only that I believe in myself now and have more people in my corner.

We can’t do these things alone, though we often wander in the dark for years and years, not knowing exactly what makes sense.

I try not to judge myself for taking so long to get it, to realize that music is my language and it’s my number one priority outside of making ends meet and being there for the people in my life.

There are so many ghosts on my path, following me, good and bad, so I’ve been putting them in my songs, where they belong.

Last night, Jafar and I were screwing around with things like tambourine and piano on the rough mixes we recorded, and came up with some ideas that I’m stoked about. And I keep reminding myself that the joy is in the journey, the process of creation. In realizing my songs need piano and that I can figure out how to play what’s missing. In being a total spaz in the moment. In making something that speaks to your experience but not knowing exactly how you did it.

You know how they say writers write? Musicians listen to music (at least I do). I’ve been going to see local bands, too, and I’m impressed with the talent I see right here in the Bay Area.

I’m going to Portland and Seattle in May to visit some music stores for a column and to visit my doppelgänger from another reality. I’m also going to try and suss out the music scene in Seattle–I always hear all these things about it, and I’m still looking for a place that is a little more conducive, financially and with venues, etc.

I’ve been in the Bay Area most of my life, and it’s my home, but for the most part, I feel people here are kind of lackadaisical about getting shit done, aside from my friends, of course. I’m talking about the mellow bohemian lets go wander and not show up on time for our gigs or take our work seriously people who live under every rock…

The “other” people…

I don’t know. I have no idea what my future holds, but I’m glad
I’m steering the ship in the direction of music again.